dealing with the unknown

I wonder - Charlie says because we aren't together anymore I don't get to know if she is dating someone. Besides the fact that I think she NEEDS to date someone else to figure out if we are right together, I think she should at least be able to tell me if she is going to be dating. Especially if we end up getting back together, I would expect her to be honest about who she has been with.

I really think Charlie is different lately. When I met her she was very much into foreign films, music, etc, and now she seems way more hardcore. This normally wouldn't bother me except I think its a big reason why she is doubting our relationship... Because I don't enjoy metal as much as her, and she thinks we need more in common. I know it sounds silly, but everything facebook about her has been metal metal metal the last week. All of her new friends are from her metal club. Her facebook pic is her at a metal concert. Everyone on her wall talks about metal. Her status updates are about what metal she is listening to. I honestly feel like if I was a metalhead like her we would be together.

She told me that when we are together she never feels discontent with our relationship, like everything is always ok when Im with her. But things just dont feel right when I'm away.

I just wish Charlie would look past some of these superficial differences and really understand how much I truly care and love her for who she is. I don't know how much more a boyfriend can do from my situation than to remind her about how beautiful she is and send her notes and pictures and letters when I can. I am always thinking about her. I cant stop. More than anything now I miss my friend.

I remember last january when our relationship began. We spoke for 8 to 9 hours a day. We got to know each other so well that 10 days after our first phone call we were in love. I mean, we actually said it. I said it. She said it. I just found a whole set of emails where I sent myself the chat logs, and its crazy to think but its true. We both needed each other in our lives, and the only difference is that now she has other friends who are new and exciting and I feel left behind.

How do you deal with feeling left behind?

Especially when you have been trained to hear for the last two years that "If you and I do not live together and get married eventually, I think my heart will permanently break and I will never love again. You are the only one in the world for me. I'm only half a person without you, and I don't know where I would be without you. Thank you for being all that you are. I hope to share the rest of my life with you."

Or how about "The ring is so beautiful, Joshua, more beautiful than I expected. I don't know how to thank you. I suppose I can thank you by wearing it proudly and thinking of you every time its sparkle catches my eye. It is a beautiful token of our love. And by the way, I am forever yours. I'm sure you already knew that, but I'm putting it in writing just in case you wanted to hear it again."

Or maybe "I miss you so, so much. You are my love and my life. I wish I could be with you right now. If I don't have you, then I don't really have much of anything important left. You're so special to me. I love you more than anything, my Joshua. You mean the world to me. I can't wait to hear your voice again."

I miss you I miss you

I MISS you

you

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